My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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