she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
