I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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