Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
