If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
