There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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