If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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