It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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