He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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