I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize