You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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