Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The Olympian is in my bed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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