I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
