tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
