Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
