it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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