I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to jail i love you
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
