I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
