Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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