i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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