i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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