you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
