so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
