It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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