dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
