alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
