Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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