I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just forgot I was standing up.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
