Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
