just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
