it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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