Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
