Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
