hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
