I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
people are starting to question the shark bite story
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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