your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i already hear my dad disowning me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
