ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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