Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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