i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
