you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
