she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
