I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Randomize
