Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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