totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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