Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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