Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
