I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
