90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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