My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
