When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
