She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
