At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
