Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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