Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize