grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
