I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
