If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
