I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
