In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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