Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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