new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I skipped work to stalk him.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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