your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
