totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were trust falling into bushes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize