Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
