I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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