just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
