I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
