I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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