I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
