it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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