You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
