So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
